funny humor quotes

“As soon as folk see my face on the movie screen they know two things: First, I'm not going to get the girl and second, I'll get a cheap funeral before the picture is over.”
- Lee Marvin


"My doctor gave me six months to live, but when I couldn't pay the bill he gave me six months more."
-Walter Matthau.


"So long as there's a jingle in your head, television isn't free."
-Jason Love.

"In general, my children refused to eat anything that hadn't danced on TV."
-Erma Bombeck.