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“In Montana, a policeman will pull you over because he’s lonely.”
- Rich Hall
“As soon as folk see my face on the movie screen they know two things:
First, I'm not going to get the girl and second, I'll get a cheap
funeral before the picture is over.”
- Lee Marvin
“It's only when you look at an ant through a magnifying glass on a sunny
day that you realize how often they burst into flames.”
- Harry Hill
"My doctor gave me six months to live, but when I couldn't pay the bill
he gave me six months more."
-Walter Matthau.
"Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist should have his head examined."
-Samuel Goldwyn.
"A woman went to a plastic surgeon and asked him to make her like Bo
Derek. He gave her a lobotomy."
-Joan Rivers.
"So long as there's a jingle in your head, television isn't free."
-Jason Love.
"In general, my children refused to eat anything that hadn't danced on
TV."
-Erma Bombeck.
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